Thanks to the internet you can now buy so many bizarre and wonderful products, it makes it hard to narrow down. So, instead of talking about the whole universe of products for gift-giving, I’m going to focus on one specific product type. Today…”pillows that fulfill very specific specific needs”

1) The Boyfriend Pillow

Ladies, you want to snuggle but your significant other is not there/ non-existent. Luckily, you can snuggle up with body pillows shaped like a male human torso. They come in “muscular”…

eBay

…as well as “your actual boyfriend….

Imagine spooning with a fella that doesn’t snore (because he has no head). Try not to think about the thing you’re snuggling up with looking like a prop leftover from “Dexter”.

2) The Girlfriend Pillow

Just like the Boyfriend Pillow. But with boobs.

Amazon

Yes. Rigid, perfectly dome-shaped boobs.

3.) The Want-To-Lay-On-Your-Side-But-Want-To-Keep-Your-Glasses-On Pillow

If you fall into the very particular, very specific demographic of people who A.) wear glasses, B.) want to wear glasses in bed, and C.) want to lay on your side while wearing glasses, then the LaySee Pillow is just what you need.

 

The LaySee Pillow has a little trench running through it so your glasses don’t smoosh up against your face (a condition that their website makes look more uncomfortable than sleeping in underwear made of live, angry scorpions).

I wear glasses in bed and sometimes lie on my side. It’s a minor inconvenience. You’ll have to decide for yourself if that slight inconvenience is worth SEVENTY NINE FREAKING DOLLARS to fix !

4.) The Concealed Handgun Pillow

The makers of this pillow call it the “Pillow Safe” and recommend storing valuables in it. But this is obviously meant for paranoid and/or extra-shooty among us to stash our trusty handgun. At least, that’s what I was thinking when I bought it.

Amazon

Yes, I bought one of these things for $35.99. Am I completely comfortable sleeping with a loaded firearm inside my pillow? No, but it beats keeping it on the nightstand next to my phone, inhaler and other things I might point at my face while in a state of semi-conciousness.