Today is National Hot Dog Day! A recent survey revealed what Americans most like as a topping on their hot dogs.

We immediately run into trouble with the first topping on the list.

1.) Ketchup

Ketchup? KETCHUP??!! You don't put ketchup on a hot dog! I'd sooner put ketchup on a steak than a hot dog. If I were adrift for weeks without food and a yacht pulled up and said, "We've got hot dogs but they all have ketchup on them" I'd say, "Nah, brah. I'll wait for the next boat". There should be a constitutional amendment that says you're not allowed to have ketchup on a hot dog if you're over the age of 9.

Here's the full list followed by my corrections.

1. Ketchup.

2. Chili.

3. Mustard.

4. Cheese.

5. Relish.

6. Onions.

7. Sauerkraut.

8. Mayo.

9. Jalapeños.

10. Coleslaw. (WTF???)

Okay, now let me fix this list to be less un-American.

1.) Mustard
2.) Onions
3.) Chili

Beyond that, put whatever you want on your wiener. But NOT KETCHUP!!!