Yeah, there’s really no delicate way to say this so I’ll be blunt. Everyone’s talking about a new device debuted at the ongoing 2020 Consumer Electronics Show that may offer a solution for men (and their partners) who suffer from…ahem…premature ejaculation.

I heard that! Stop that snickering right this instant and try to act like mature people! P.E. is a condition that affects millions of American men so a treatment can’t come quickly enough. DAMMIT! I’m trying to be serious, here and you’re not helping.

The device, which doesn’t yet have a name, is being described as kind of a “Band-Aid” that one applies to the sensitive area of the male anatomy called the perineum. The perineum is more commonly known as the “taint”…as in, “It ‘taint the ***** and it ‘taint the ***-****”.

The way it works is this: a mild electronic impulse is sent to the device, the charge disrupts the sensation going from the gooch to the brain and the ejaculation is temporarily forestalled. The device is controlled by an app but for the life of me I can’t imagine who is supposed to be in charge of controlling the app in mid-coitus. It seems like BOTH parties would be too busy to simultaneously control an app on their phone.

The device is going to be priced at $25, which seems reasonable if it works as advertised. HOWEVER, the device is designed, perhaps thankfully, to be discarded after a single use. $25 per romp might be too pricey for many so, if I may, I’d like to share my own technique that can be used repeatedly and indefinitely with a price tag of exactly ZERO dollars and ZERO cents. It’s called the “Imagine Your Grandmother Naked Method” and it’s been used for several years now with impressive results. You P.E. suffers may use this technique free of charge as often as you need. The only think I ask is that you imagine YOUR grandmother, not mine, because that would just be weird.