A TikTok has gone viral because it allegedly shows a 24 year old McDonald’s meal that has remained uncorrupted all this time. Aly Sherb, the TikToker, has been keeping a Mickey D’s hamburger and fries inside her closet since 1996. What does McDonald’s have to say about this? I have their statement, but I know you’re dying to see that immortal burger first.

So, what gives, McDonald’s?

A statement from the company says, “in the right environment, our burgers, like most other foods, could decompose.”

COULD decompose? Ok, you know decomposition is the NORM for food not the exception, right McD?

“But in order to decompose, you need certain conditions—specifically moisture.”

Sure. I’ll keep that in mind the next time a loaf of bread in my pantry is already growing mold after 2 weeks. I’ll be sure to find out what super-soaker ninja is sneaking into my pantry and moistening my bread.

Actually, this video is going to make me MORE comfortable eating food from the Golden Starches. Whatever they’re putting in their food to make it last a quarter century without rotting…I want THAT inside ME! Banana’s go from green to black within hours on my kitchen counter. That’s why I won’t eat ‘em. If they can’t save themselves from the ravages of oxygen, why would anyone think they’re going to do YOU any good.

You know, “incorruptibility” is one of the criteria the Catholic church uses to canonizes someone. This is true. They’ll dig up a body after a few decades. If it isn’t as rotten as they might suspect…welcome to sainthood!

McDonald’s is the St. Catherine of Siena of the fast food world! If it’s good enough for God, it’s good enough for me. To McDonald’s!