Happy World Cocktail Day! Drinking cocktails has always struck me as a “classy” way to get falling-down drunk. Throwing back multiple Gimlets SEEMS classier than pounding a six-pack of Bud but the result is the same. There’s a REASON James Bond orders a “Vodka Martini…shaken not stirred” rather than a “Natty Light… can, not bottle”. It’s because he’s a refined mass-murderer. It’s an important distinction.

It all got me thinking: we have all this time on our hands with quarantine going on. People like to cope with alcohol. And there are SO many great new phrases out there that are just BEGGING to be turned into a cocktail.

I’m going to throw out a NAME for an as-of-yet uninvented cocktail. I’m going to suggest a possible drink combination. Then, I want a bartender (professional or amateur) to actually mix it up, give me a review and also any notes for improvement. Ready? GO!

AN ASIAN MURDER HORNET

Suggested ingredients:
2 parts sake.
1 part Jack Daniels Honey.
Dash of Siracha (for the “sting”).
Garnished with a black olive and a lemon slice (evoking the black and yellow coloring of a hornet).
*Dead bee in the bottom of the glass optional.

A TIGER KING

Suggested ingredients:
3 oz Everclear 190.
5oz Sunny Delight. Salt rim with crystal meth.
Shout “F*** Carol Baskin!” before drinking contents in single gulp.

A QUARANTINI

2 parts Emergen-C.
I part Skol vodka from a half-empty bottle you found from a party 3 years ago in the back of your pantry.
Use a glass thermometer as a swizzle stick.
Drink while alone on couch wearing a Snuggie.

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