Two terrible tragedies happened last weekend. One was in Dayton, Ohio and one was in El Paso. How long did it take before “truthers” started claiming it was a “hoax” or a “false flag”? If you said, “It doesn’t matter because any amount of time would be too moronic to comprehend”, DING DING DING! You got the right answer!

Some of the internet’s bottom 1 percentile noticed that a local news anchor announced a tweet that went out at 3 p.m. even though the timer on the cell phone CLEARLY SHOWED IT WAS ONLY 2:37!!!

Some of the comments from these human embodiment's of Poe’s Law include:

  • “Ahahaha busted. Right out of the horses mouth!! These shooting are being staged for their gun control agenda. Time to wake up
  • “Wake up and smell the PSY-OPS”
  • “So did Fox just admitted that the Walmart Shooting was FAKE NEWS? Texas is Central Time Zone. Ohio is Eastern Time Zone”

You can read even more of these on the Youtube post but know this: by just reading them you will be at least 3 million brain cells-worth dumber than you are now.

So, what are some OTHER options than a global conspiracy of fake tragedies to bring about gun laws that never actually happen? Well…

Maybe Erica and Robert (yes, I know both of the anchors) were talking about a tweet about activity at a Walmart in a completely different part of El Paso. Maybe that’s why Erica said “the Horizon Walmart”. Maybe the copy she was reading had a typo? Maybe it was a wire report that came out of someplace in the Central or Eastern Time Zone. Maybe El Paso actually ISN’T in the Central Time Zone but conspiracy-minded internet peabrains don’t know that. Hell, I didn’t until I moved to El Paso. Maybe ALL the reporters working on this story were simultaneously reading reports handed to them cold AND fighting the effects of sleep deprivation because they found themselves in the middle of a tragedy just like the rest of us in this town.

This bulls*it is so easy to see through if you’re familiar with a city (and time zones). If you don’t know where Horizon City is in relation to El Paso and you don’t know that El Paso is the only Texas city NOT in the Central Time Zone AND your mom accidently slammed your head in a refrigerator door when you were a baby I can see how you might be taken in by a ridiculous on-line conspiracies.

But, sure…if it makes you feel smarter to believe everything is controlled by the CIA/Mossad/Rothschilds/Tri-lateral Commission that’s your business. Just do your future kids a favor and don’t have them in the first place.